sareks:

linscoresby:

and its cousin:

Can I add:

selfsoulfriend:

master: use my name.

doctor: master…

martha who thinks that’s the prime minister and jack who’s horny:

vestiges-of-light:

vestiges-of-light:

vestiges-of-light:

vestiges-of-light:

vestiges-of-light:

thefrasers:

no one’s died as a result of my therapy.

boldlyro:

DUDE

blissymbolics:

blissymbolics:

Most shows with overpowered supernatural characters always try to come up with elaborate excuses to explain why the characters can’t just magic themselves out of every situation. Good Omens doesn’t really do that, but you don’t really question it because you completely buy that these morons are so unequivocally incompetent that they straight up forget that they have the powers of fucking demigods. They’re like high-level d&d characters who only use the same three moves and have completely forgotten about the 73 magic items sitting in their inventory. 

Crowley: I was totally planning on teleporting to this galaxy 4.3 light-years away but then you died and I was sad :(

Aziraphale: Oh I’m sorry. But listen, I need you to go to this village about an hour outside of London

Crowley: You Want me to GO WHere?? How the– how the FUuuck am I supposed to- I can’t Drive, it’s Rush Hour! You want me to WaLK?? In the Rain??! Please, be Realistic.

:

trickster-dyke:

azira-yeet:

Hell: are consorting with an Angel?

Crowley: yes? Are all you slackers not out there seducing any Angels? You got no game, is that it Hastur? You hating on me because you can’t get any Angel to feel an ounce of Temptation? Tell me, how’s it feel to be so unsexy you try and make one of my greatest demonic acts look traitorous?

oldtvandcomics:

ninenineandgoseek:

discar:

ninenineandgoseek:

ninenineandgoseek:

prosocialbehavior:

demonic-mnemonic:

Sometimes I just sit and think about how Aziraphale and Crowley spent several years giving some ordinary human kid THE weirdest possible upbringing of all time.

later in life Warlock is going to make Storytime tumblr posts and everyone will reblog them like “you were raised by actual fairies”

warlocksaysdinosaursaredumb: Ok guys so storytime. when I was a kid it was really like, weird, in general, cause my dad was a diplomat traveling all over doing all this dumb “ra ra ‘murica” type shit, and my mom was super bored and annoyed cause he was never there and so like. i was basically raised by a nanny and our gardener? which, ok, it’s like 2013 and having a nanny cause you’re a neglected diplomat’s kid is weird enough but. she dressed like Mary Poppins??? it’s 20-goddamn-13 and she had like this Victorian dress and a big old times umbrella and a huge carpet bag and, I shit you not, she ALWAYS wore sunglasses. all day. all night. she was my nanny for like 4 years and I NEVER SAW HER EYES?!??! how the fuck did I not notice that as a kid, what the fuck

warlocksaysdinosaursaredumb: oh!! and she sang me the weirdest fucking lullabies, always stuff about like, pain and torture and how I was gonna rule the world and crush everyone under my boot. we had secret service run background checks how the FUCK did she get through

warlocksaysdinosaursaredumb: the gardener was this weird mole man guy with like, buck teeth and everything?  but he was SUPER nice, like crazy nice, he wouldn’t even kill snails.  actually, now that I think of it, he didn’t use any pesticides or rat traps or like, power lawnmowers.  he was our only gardener for a couple acres and he somehow kept the place incredibly beautiful by himself with nothing but a pair of hedge trimmers

warlocksaysdinosaursaredumb: oh yeah, I forgot, gardener and nanny… seemed to know each other??? somehow??? like the gardener was always calling everything brother or sister, like brother pigeon, sister slug, whatever, and he’d tell me to never hurt any animals or listen to what nanny said, which… i mean I did tell him some of the stuff nanny said but I swear he knew more, and he’d get this weird sappy look on his face sometimes when I mentioned nanny

warlocksaysdinosaursaredumb: and than there was this one year when we had this really long winter, you know? and the trees weren’t blooming around easter, when they usually do. and than one morning i found nanny in the garden YELLING at the trees. she almost NEVER raised her voice with me, you know, so i’ve never heard her yell like that before, and it was really scary? and she was yelling, i quote, BLOOM ALREADY, OR THERE WILL BE CONSEQUENCES!!!!! i kid you not. and the gardener was like “you don’t have to yell at them, dear, they grow just well on their own”, and she GLARED at him, like, she was wearing her sunglasses of course, but she just looked as if she wanted to run him through with her eyes? than she just sighed and said “you are too soft to them, angel”, and turned around and left. and i mean, that’s weird, right? and they were doing stuff like this all the time, i kid you not. but now the REALLY weird thing, and you will think i’m making this up: WHEN I WENT INTO THE GARDEN THAT AFTERNOON, THE TREES WERE COVERED IN HUGE PINK FLOWERS!! i’ve never seen that many flowers on those trees in my LIFE. i’m not the only one who thinks that’s weird, right guys? right??

assiraphales:

crowley, seeing anathema & newt holding hands: so, how long you lot been together

anathema: oh we just met today

crowley, thinking about how he’s been flirting w aziraphale for 6000 yrs and the angel can barely acknowledge that they’re friends: right